HOT SEAT

I received a very interesting text message which left a great impression on me. It says: “It is not what people do to us that hurt us, in the most fundamental sense; it is our chosen response to what they do to us that hurts”. It somehow relates to what I am experiencing right now.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been the limelight of gossips and intrigues here in our office! It was so unfair because I never get into other’s business and so I demand for my own privacy as well. But I guess, that is something very impossible in an office set-up like this, when everybody's working closely with each other!

My ex-boyfriend (who also works here in our office) got married last January 10. Just before the event, I was already being asked and intrigued by our other officemates. They were asking me about my opinion and how do I feel about it. One of my officemates even gave me a copy of the wedding invitation. Gosh, I was really praying that everything will soon get over because I am getting sick and tired of hearing their opinions.

I couldn’t even distinguish the difference between a sincere and a mere gossip opinion. I guess they were just extracting information from me… but sad to say, I did not gave them the satisfaction of seeing me hurt or disgusted! I just smiled back at them. Some expressed their sympathy and some showed anger because they believe that I was being fooled by my ex-boyfriend.

Different opinions coming from different mouths! Truly, I smiled at them and just expressed my wish of good luck for the couples but really every single word they said hurt and tore my heart apart! I felt that it’s being too unfair because these people were not there during those times when I was suffering from our break-up. I never bothered them (anyway) about my feelings and here they are now talking as if they took part of my heart aches before!

I only share my feelings with my closest friends and funny thing is my friends never opened the topic of my ex’s wedding (although, they also knew about it) because they cared enough about my feelings and they waited for me to open up before they could give their opinions and advise!

I am not hurt because of my ex’s wedding. I even prayed for them and in my heart I have forgiven them a long time ago! I guess, I am just hurt because of what others were saying. Although I appreciate some, but the more they talk about it makes me feel sick! It brings back the past hurts which I already got over with! I got over with my heart ache a long time ago and I deserve my rest about that issue and I guess my ex boyfriend also deserves the same.

True enough, everything shall come to pass… and after reading the text message (which Jackie sent me)… yes, it is not what others do to me that hurt but my chosen response to what they did and said that hurts! I took them too seriously which in turn made me suffered from all those nonsense comments!

I know myself and God knows me very well! I guess that’s what matters most! I am glad that God guided my words and my 'every' actions. I never gave any negative comments because I believe that I am not answerable to them. I am only answerable to the One above who loves and cares for me so much!

I am just thankful enough for having my true and genuine friends (Jackie, Rachelle, Lhoraine). They listened to me and gave me good advises on how to deal with such issues!

I have surpassed the greatest suffering of heart break before and I know that nothing is much greater that I could not face or handle anymore… not without God!

WOUNDS That HEAL

I am pretty sure that most of us, if not all, have our own heart breaking stories to tell. We have different heart aches brought about different causes. It may be a loss or a death of a loved one or a break up from a relationship, a betrayal from a trusted friend, loss of job, illness and like.

I can say that I am lucky because I have experienced heart aches. I am not telling this because I am a masochist or I am bitter of my past hurts, but because I experienced how was it to be lost. I have experienced the wonder of failures and heart aches which eventually made me a whole and a better person. Most of all, I am lucky because I have experienced God’s love during the darkest hours of my life.

Sometimes you have to be broken in order to be whole. Sometimes you need to go through a lot of pains and trials before you raise your head up high. I believe that it is through hardships that we become strong emotionally and spiritually!

As I look back, I remember how my sufferings were turned into a wonderful experience. It is when my relationship with God was renewed and even more strengthened. I learned the value of prayers in my life! My understanding and point of view of trials changed when I opened up myself to Him. I learned how to surrender myself to the one above! I am not saying that I am now perfect (nobody’s perfect, anyway) but I am better. I still have lots of craziness and everyday mistakes but I know how it is now to acknowledge and be sorry for them.

Everyday is a struggle and we are being wounded in the process. But wounds do heal in the proper time. Let’s give time for healing! It takes a lot of time, actually! And when we are healed, we will be surprised how we are being changed.

Healing of oneself is best manifested in our ability to comfort others in their desperate moments! When we are ready to give comfort with others, then we see the value of our experiences, be it happy or painful ones! We see ourselves in the person we are comforting and we can relate truly with their feelings… that is sympathy!

While healing takes a lot of time, it is an opportunity to be drawn closer to our ultimate healer! God waits for us to come to Him and call His name. He longs for us and He knows that it is during these times when He is best noticed! So, never give up for God is close to the broken hearted (Psalm 34:18)! It is very inspiring to know that God delivers us from pains if only we turn ourselves to Him and recognize Him and His words! What a loving God we have!

Healing the wounds is a long process but believe me it is indeed a worthwhile experience! In the future, Christ can use your emotional wounds to help others heal!

“Christ was broken for us to comfort the broken among us.”

“Be strong and of good courage… for the Lord your God is with you, wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

"Our greatest strength is often shown in our ability to stand still and trust God."

"God comforts us . . . that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble." – 2 Corinthians 1:4

I Won First Prize!

It's been quite a long while since my last post! Really, December was indeed a busy month, I guess not only for me, but for everyone! Good things I did not go through the Christmas rush of buying gifts for my "inaanaks" (god children) and special friends because I started buying presents since October. What really made me busy were the events and travels that I had during the month of December.

The last event I handled was the Christmas party, where I was assigned as the head of the program committee. With the help of other committee heads, the program went perfectly well. December 19 was the company Christmas party. I was so busy then being the floor director of the program. I presumed that everybody was ahppy then. We had a live-band show and lots of lots of raffle prizes. Yearly, the company is generous enough to showcase a number of major and minor prizes (both in cold cash prizes and in kind) that include plasma tv's, entertainment home theatre, asus laptop computer, refrigerators, washing machines, etc. Too BAD I didn't win anything... though, I felt happy for those who's names were picked!

While, it's true that that I didn't win anything from those line of prizes, but God is so good that I received a very precious gift that night - a RECONCILIATION to a very special friend, Apol (through our common friend, Lhoraine)!

APOL & LHORAINE "My Babies"

These two young ladies are my 'babies in the office! Being a senior to them, I served as their mentor and guide and even their 'ate' (sister), 'nanay' (mother), in whatever means! Not until a misunderstanding took place between Apol vs. Lhoraine & Nanay Jenny!

Apol got mad at me and Lhoraine (for a not so serious reason) until she resigned last October 2008. It really broke my heart because I dearly love both of them. We had so many good times and tough times together and I just couldn't accept the fact that our good relationship will be destroyed by just a plain misunderstanding! I had to be neutral and open-minded then because they are both dear to me.I tried to reach out with Apol but she completely shut the door for me and Lhoraine. So, I let it be hoping that someday everything will be patched up and retun to normal... though, it left my heart aching! There was never a time that I forgot about Apol while Lhoraine remained a best buddy to me and I kept on telling her how much I missed Apol.

To cut the story short, Apol attended the party. I pretended not to see her because I was afraid that she will reject me if I greet her. Unexpectedly, at the middle of the party, Lhoraine asked me to go with her and led me to their table where Apol was seating. Without any words, we intuitively embraced each other. The next thing I remember was we were both flooding in tears. We couldn't stop crying and I kept on repeating the words "WE LOVE YOU, Apol"! Lhoraine was crying also and joined me as we hug Apol (our prodigal friend... hehehe)!

(a photo taken several minutes after we cried... apol is in green, lhoraine baby is in pink and i'm in red)

It was a memorable night for me and I realized that even though I never got anything from the raffle prizes, still i considered myself as the FIRST PRIZE winner... for I received the most wonderful, priceless Christmas gift that night, the one thing I've always been praying for and that's FORGIVENESS and RECONCILIATION!

"Never ask why troubles come. Be grateful there are solutions."

some of our happy photos

together...