Be Still

How about a relaxing weekend; away from the tension and pressures of every day’s life? Well, life as always, has been too stressful and that is one of life’s ingredients! Life will never be happier (should I say?) or meaningful without all these challenges! It’s just a matter of how we handle things and how we realize our weaknesses and strengths amidst all trials!

So, comes another weekend! I am so excited to see my mom and dad… I am excited to see my pets and to lie on my bed! I miss the smell of my bedroom and everything about our home! All I want is to spend the weekend with them with no hassles, no pressures, no expectations… just a quiet, wonderful time with my family (and pets hehehe)!

I HOPE THIS HELPS…

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." Phillipians 4:6

Be honest with God - tell him how stressed out you are.

See you all, guys on Monday! I wish you all a stress-free weekend!

What About Men?

Let’s admit it; men are often so misunderstood as apathetic form of human beings. It seems that men are viewed as unemotional, impassive, and less caring individuals. This is definitely a wrong and unfair impression of men in our society. The problem is, sometimes men wanted to be viewed as such. They find it hard to express their real emotions because they might be perceived as weak.

Men have feelings too, however they often refuse to acknowledge them, much less talk about them; seldom to their spouse or significant other and especially not to other men. Most think it is a sign of weakness.

Not so!

It is a sign of strength and of courage. Men who get in touch with their feelings can reinvent themselves. It opens up numerous possibilities. It is possible for a man to be tough AND tender!
Someone once said that women are the ones with feelings. Men are the thinkers and fixers. This is how our society thinks about the difference of men and women.

Men think that they are the "rock;" the one who must be strong and not demonstrate his feelings lest he be seen as a weak man. Men are supposed to be macho. Oh, really? The truth is most men lack the skills to express their feelings. They find it hard to connect their emotions and feelings to the situation. They would rather walk away and divert their attention doing other things just to break away from the present scenario. Worst is, they will no longer go back to their emotions to deal with it anymore. For them, it is a ‘no big deal thing’. Crying is definitely a big ‘NO’ and a minus point for them.

Expressing feelings is a woman thing. Says who? The truth is the more you are in-touch with how you really feel about things; the easier it is to communicate those feelings. I call this: getting totally honest with yourself!

Men are usually scared of sharing their intimate feelings. Intimate feelings… are they scary or what? Remember that when we run from our feelings, they follow us… everywhere!

Maybe the proper term would be that men are selective, not really scary, when it comes to choosing whom to confide their feelings with. But most men are notoriously poor at cultivating and maintaining close friendships with other men. Often when you ask a man how many close friends he has, he will be at a loss to come up with more than one or two (if any at all).

Feelings must be expressed. To stuff your most intimate feelings is to stay stuck with the feeling. What is the solution? How can you find a way to communicate your feelings in a way that feels safe and where you can always be assured of being heard? To be heard is to be healed.


What Should A Man Do?

Developing a confidant is significant in expressing out emotions. It may be the spouse, girl friend, best friend, a counselor, or a men’s group. Face your fears but then again, men usually fear their emotions. Remember, it is acceptable for a man to cry. It is not a sign of weakness rather humility that men are also human, also vulnerable to hurts and pains.

Men can learn a very important lesson from fully participating in a group of male friends. They learn to empathize with women who are often heard complaining, "He never listens to me!" Once men experience the committed listening of the group, they begin to feel more at ease in sharing their deepest concerns about their relationship, their work and their life with their spouse or significant other. Although most men experience some level of discomfort when talking about their feelings but frequency assists in the bonding process.

Most often this is the salvation for their personal relationship!

So, how does this help you? You get to "vent" all you want or anyway you want but this time without the destructive tones that damage the relationship you have with your significant other. Also, it helps you to learn when to listen. You discover that you can benefit from the experiences of the other men.

Note: A solution that you discover on your own rather than being told by someone else is almost always the better and most workable solution.


An Extra Note to Women

Be a good listener to your ‘man’! Sometimes all they need is a listening heart. To be listened to attentively feels good. Men learn to talk openly and honestly in an environment of absolute confidentiality where there are no rules about what or how you say what you need to say. Provide the kind of atmosphere they need (not what you need)! Control the need to provide advise or offer solutions, there are always a time for that! Learn to suspend your judgment about what they think or feel. You are there to be his committed listener! Listening is Support! It is not a venue of showing to him that you are all-knowing, super “feeler” person than him. All the more, it will intimidate him from saying what’s inside him!


“Every man needs to bond with other men from the heart. He needs to fulfill his needs for intimacy with someone other than his lover, so she isn't his only outlet for feeling. He needs mirrors of his own quest to understand his masculinity; soul buddies who can validate his journey like no woman ever can. Find a friend. Take off your mask. Show him who you really are.” – Barbara De Angelis, author, Real Moments

P.S: I dedicate this post to all the male readers out there especially to Joel, Bluedreamer, Coolingstar9, and poor prince! Always remember not to put off until tomorrow the things you can express today! Have a great day!

Alone and Happy

A lot of people are afraid to be alone, alone in a sense that they always enjoy the company of others. It’s like their happiness are controlled with their social activities. But what people don’t know is to be able to determine true happiness; one must experience to be alone. We need NOT fear being alone, instead we should welcome those moments in our life; those moments when we can be alone with ourselves and be able to contemplate and reflect. I am not saying that we can live alone. Humans are design to live and interact together and with each other. No man lives alone. All of us are responsible for each other but remember not to overlook ourselves, as well!

Wouldn’t you think it is nicer to get out from the busy and noisy crowd and the pressures that keep on pulling our energies down? We need sometime alone to rejuvenate, revitalize and re-energize ourselves.

What is the relevance of being alone in a relationship?

You must learn to be alone and happy before you can be together with someone else and be happy. Your happiness only and always depends upon how you feel when you are alone, never how you think you will feel when you are with someone else.

This also applies in terms of healing from a hurtful past. Our healing comes and mostly experienced when we give ourselves time to be alone. It is making up with the lost times we supposed to have for ourselves when we were still in a relationship. We should be strong enough to resist rushing to the next relationship before all the hurts of the past are healed. Healing takes time.

Being alone for a period of time usually has an extraordinary long-term benefits. When you get comfortable with being alone; when the feeling that you must be in a relationship to feel complete disappears, most likely you will be ready for another relationship.

Over-all, one of the secrets of a healthy love relationship is to be happy being alone with yourself! Your happiness must not depend with how you feel when you are with someone else but how you feel when you are alone. If the satisfaction and happiness are felt without needing and getting them from others, that is the time you can be able to share the happiness with others!

Start Right

What does it take to have a healthy love relationship?

A good relationship begins with YOU. This works more efficiently when two partners are focused on a goal of keeping their relationship better than ever before. Ever wonder why some relationship started so sweet then eventually dies? It is because couples have the tendency to become more and more negligent over the years, months or even days of being together. It is not how a relationship progress. It is not right to say “as the relationship grows old”; rather it should be “as the relationship matures”.

I always have this saying in mind… ‘Love with the hottest beginning has the coolest end.’ Love does not develop over time. While it is true that there can be a ‘love at first sight’, still it depends on both partners how to maintain and sustain that love they have first felt from the start.

It is important that partners work together in achieving their goal of making the relationship works for them. It is a combined effort; a shared endeavor for both parties in order to have a “hale and hearty” love relationship. Remember, only selfish people think only of themselves. When you really love yourself, you cannot help wanting to give some of your love away!

What you become, you attract! So, when you want a great love partner, become a great love partner! Like attracts like! Sharing love with someone must only and always begin with YOU. Learn to relate with yourself better!

The Butterfly

A man found a cocoon for a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole.
Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no farther. Then the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily.

Something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and deformed wings. It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the small opening of the cocoon are God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.

If God allowed us to go through all our life without any obstacles, that would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.

Not only that, we could never fly.

- Author unknown

My Brother's Wedding

Right now, I'm getting busy with my new task as my brother's wedding planner! Ahaha!!! At long last, somebody from the family is getting married... (we're just two, anyway!) After so long of being single... at last, my dad's dream of having a grand child is coming true! Here's the good news... my brother's soon-to-be wife is already 3-months pregnant (see how fast my brother is...)! We will be having a new family-member!!! Am sure that baby will bring so much love, joy, and happiness to our family!

But for now, I am more focused on my brother's wedding! He expects a lot from me (as if I'm an expert... he always believe, I am - hehehe). This is gonna be a first-hand experience for me... I attended a lot of weddings but only as secondary sponsor... I experienced all of them... from lights to cord, to veil! 'Though I must admit, it has always been my dream to be a wedding coordinator! I have witnessed a lot of weddings and I learned a lot from those experiences... things that I appreciate and things that I want to avoid in my own wedding! So, here's the realization of my dreams... to be an effective and unique wedding coordinator!

Well, whatever it is... one thing is for sure... am so glad that my brother has finally found the girl of his dreams... and I wish them LUCK, more love, and countless blessings from Up Above!

Be A Blessing To Others

"May the One who gave blessings to those before us now give us the strength and endurance to become a blessing to others." (a Hebrew prayer)

The past several weeks (one month to be exact), I’ve been counseling my college best friend who is now suffering from the pain of breaking up with her long time boyfriend. Their 11-year old relationship has finally come to an end.

My friend actually is not the type of person who will open up everything to me. All the while I thought that she’s no longer committed with her boyfriend since we graduated from college. They had split before (4th year) and I never knew that they had continued their relationship since then! Although, I had a feeling that they are still sweethearts… but the fact that she didn’t share stories with me about her relationship is enough for me not to touch the issue anymore.

Several weeks back, I was surprised when she called me and told me that their relationship is finally over. She was really despair and in pain. I could feel her with every word she utters. For the first time, she told me everything. She opened-up everything from the largest down to the smallest detail. How could I turn my back to her now? She would call at the middle of my work, meeting, and even during my rest. But I just couldn’t let her down every time she needs someone to talk to. I knew how it is to be in that condition.

Honestly, I could see myself to her just a year ago when I also gone through the same situation of being broken hearted. It was Jackie who became my confessor, listener, adviser, and praying partner that time! She was very patient to me when I needed someone to voice out my feelings! It was mayhem! I knew deep inside that I was very irritating but she was too patient in listening to me. She never got tired of giving me real good advises; she brought me closer to God.

Now in the case of my friend, I could see myself to her during my times of helplessness! I never thought that after a year of enduring that stage of my life, I can be “Jackie” too! I can give wonderful advises and thoughts to my friend. I feel happy every time my friend would tell me that she appreciates my presence during her times of darkness. I told her that I am just here to listen to her and share with her my experiences before. Still, it’s God who gives us the strength and the reason to move on.

Because of this, I thought of sending Jackie a message. I thank her for everything she has done to me before. I thank her for being with me on those gloomy days of my life and for the constant prayers she is giving me until this time. I told her that right now, it is my turn of helping a friend who is suffering from the same agony I had a year ago. I was so delighted when she replied “Thanks God that I’ve been an instrument, now it’s your turn to be a blessing to others.” Isn’t it great? God makes use of people as instrument of His love and grace!

I know she still has a very long way before she could finally accept and move on, but with God’s unconditional love and a friend’s moral support, she can get through it… slowly but surely!