What About Men?

Let’s admit it; men are often so misunderstood as apathetic form of human beings. It seems that men are viewed as unemotional, impassive, and less caring individuals. This is definitely a wrong and unfair impression of men in our society. The problem is, sometimes men wanted to be viewed as such. They find it hard to express their real emotions because they might be perceived as weak.

Men have feelings too, however they often refuse to acknowledge them, much less talk about them; seldom to their spouse or significant other and especially not to other men. Most think it is a sign of weakness.

Not so!

It is a sign of strength and of courage. Men who get in touch with their feelings can reinvent themselves. It opens up numerous possibilities. It is possible for a man to be tough AND tender!
Someone once said that women are the ones with feelings. Men are the thinkers and fixers. This is how our society thinks about the difference of men and women.

Men think that they are the "rock;" the one who must be strong and not demonstrate his feelings lest he be seen as a weak man. Men are supposed to be macho. Oh, really? The truth is most men lack the skills to express their feelings. They find it hard to connect their emotions and feelings to the situation. They would rather walk away and divert their attention doing other things just to break away from the present scenario. Worst is, they will no longer go back to their emotions to deal with it anymore. For them, it is a ‘no big deal thing’. Crying is definitely a big ‘NO’ and a minus point for them.

Expressing feelings is a woman thing. Says who? The truth is the more you are in-touch with how you really feel about things; the easier it is to communicate those feelings. I call this: getting totally honest with yourself!

Men are usually scared of sharing their intimate feelings. Intimate feelings… are they scary or what? Remember that when we run from our feelings, they follow us… everywhere!

Maybe the proper term would be that men are selective, not really scary, when it comes to choosing whom to confide their feelings with. But most men are notoriously poor at cultivating and maintaining close friendships with other men. Often when you ask a man how many close friends he has, he will be at a loss to come up with more than one or two (if any at all).

Feelings must be expressed. To stuff your most intimate feelings is to stay stuck with the feeling. What is the solution? How can you find a way to communicate your feelings in a way that feels safe and where you can always be assured of being heard? To be heard is to be healed.


What Should A Man Do?

Developing a confidant is significant in expressing out emotions. It may be the spouse, girl friend, best friend, a counselor, or a men’s group. Face your fears but then again, men usually fear their emotions. Remember, it is acceptable for a man to cry. It is not a sign of weakness rather humility that men are also human, also vulnerable to hurts and pains.

Men can learn a very important lesson from fully participating in a group of male friends. They learn to empathize with women who are often heard complaining, "He never listens to me!" Once men experience the committed listening of the group, they begin to feel more at ease in sharing their deepest concerns about their relationship, their work and their life with their spouse or significant other. Although most men experience some level of discomfort when talking about their feelings but frequency assists in the bonding process.

Most often this is the salvation for their personal relationship!

So, how does this help you? You get to "vent" all you want or anyway you want but this time without the destructive tones that damage the relationship you have with your significant other. Also, it helps you to learn when to listen. You discover that you can benefit from the experiences of the other men.

Note: A solution that you discover on your own rather than being told by someone else is almost always the better and most workable solution.


An Extra Note to Women

Be a good listener to your ‘man’! Sometimes all they need is a listening heart. To be listened to attentively feels good. Men learn to talk openly and honestly in an environment of absolute confidentiality where there are no rules about what or how you say what you need to say. Provide the kind of atmosphere they need (not what you need)! Control the need to provide advise or offer solutions, there are always a time for that! Learn to suspend your judgment about what they think or feel. You are there to be his committed listener! Listening is Support! It is not a venue of showing to him that you are all-knowing, super “feeler” person than him. All the more, it will intimidate him from saying what’s inside him!


“Every man needs to bond with other men from the heart. He needs to fulfill his needs for intimacy with someone other than his lover, so she isn't his only outlet for feeling. He needs mirrors of his own quest to understand his masculinity; soul buddies who can validate his journey like no woman ever can. Find a friend. Take off your mask. Show him who you really are.” – Barbara De Angelis, author, Real Moments

P.S: I dedicate this post to all the male readers out there especially to Joel, Bluedreamer, Coolingstar9, and poor prince! Always remember not to put off until tomorrow the things you can express today! Have a great day!