I Was Wrong and I AM Sorry

When conflicts arise, it is always safe to point our fingers to others without acknowledging our own shares of mistakes. Sometimes, it takes a brave heart to accept other’s inaccuracies much more accepting our own weaknesses.

Everytime Joel and I are caught up with heated arguments, we make sure that one of us must stay cool while the other one does all the talking. It is our agreement not to get angry all at the same time no matter who’s right or wrong. It should be one at a time. He may take the moment of pouring out all his things while I listen and absorb everything. The same applies to him when I take the center stage!

Honestly, it’s hard to follow this rule! Most of the times, I will try my best to control my flaming emotions but sometimes, I can’t help getting pissed off. Joel is different, though! He never gets angry when I become too pushy!

I read from a book (Healing Wounded Emotions), that it is not bad to get angry. It is a normal reaction of a person especially when he is hurt or someone has done something unpleasant or annoying to cause harm and injury. What matters is how the person handles that emotion and the next steps that follow after feeling angry.


When You are Wrong and I am Right

I always believe that there are three sides in every battle. Your side, my side and the right side! It is too biased to say that I am right and you are wrong and it is very shameful to admit that I am wrong and you are right. I remember the homily of our priest last Sunday. There are three things a person must do when faced with anger:

a. never make decisions when you are angry because 99% of that decision is wrong. Remember that when you are angry, you are ruled by your emotions. The mind finds it hard to think logically when the heart is agitated. Let things cool down then decide what to do next.

b. shut up when you are angry. We can’t be too careful with the words we say when we are mad. Most likely, we might speak the wrong words which we will regret afterwards. Hurtful words will only add up to the injury. So, it is better to just shut up and wait til everything is settled.

c. cool-off. It is advisable for couples/partners to take a cool-off when they disagree too much with each other. Instead of bragging and nagging each other, take some time to cool-off, not for the purpose of ending the relationship but just to give space and enough time to feel and think clearly. You can’t be effective anyway everytime the stimulus of your anger is there around you. All the more it will trigger the pain and feelings of anger.


I am Sorry

The final step to heal disagreements is acknowledging your mistake and accepting the apologies offered by the other party. It is not enough that you forgive. You have to acknowledge and accept the request of forgiveness.


Once the flame of anger subsides, admittance of fault follows. This usually happens for couples. They come to a point when both parties admit that it’s their fault and finally realized that both has their shares of mistakes. An effective communication is helpful in resolving conflict. Effective communication means expressing the things you need to say with an equal share of listening with the person you are communicating to. You have to express your feelings and to be heard and to be listened to. In the same way that your partner deserves the same treatment as well!

It is not demeaning to say sorry. It is actually a very brave act. To humble down one’s self is a very good offering not only to the people we hurt but also to God. Accepting our faults will take away the cobwebs in our hearts and will make us calm and peaceful! We can sleep at night without the anxieties and guilt. It helps our spirit to be healthy and physically, it will make our system work normally and more efficiently! Nothing beats a healthy spirit!

“Always do your best to avoid, at all costs, the necessity of experiencing the negative results of anger. The healthy release of anger must be presented in a way that empowers the relationship; anger expressed without blame, without pointing fingers. To avoid unnecessary pain, it is important to learn that anger must be expressed with an attitude of acknowledgment; acknowledgment for the responsibility you have for your equal share of the upset.”