HOT SEAT

I received a very interesting text message which left a great impression on me. It says: “It is not what people do to us that hurt us, in the most fundamental sense; it is our chosen response to what they do to us that hurts”. It somehow relates to what I am experiencing right now.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been the limelight of gossips and intrigues here in our office! It was so unfair because I never get into other’s business and so I demand for my own privacy as well. But I guess, that is something very impossible in an office set-up like this, when everybody's working closely with each other!

My ex-boyfriend (who also works here in our office) got married last January 10. Just before the event, I was already being asked and intrigued by our other officemates. They were asking me about my opinion and how do I feel about it. One of my officemates even gave me a copy of the wedding invitation. Gosh, I was really praying that everything will soon get over because I am getting sick and tired of hearing their opinions.

I couldn’t even distinguish the difference between a sincere and a mere gossip opinion. I guess they were just extracting information from me… but sad to say, I did not gave them the satisfaction of seeing me hurt or disgusted! I just smiled back at them. Some expressed their sympathy and some showed anger because they believe that I was being fooled by my ex-boyfriend.

Different opinions coming from different mouths! Truly, I smiled at them and just expressed my wish of good luck for the couples but really every single word they said hurt and tore my heart apart! I felt that it’s being too unfair because these people were not there during those times when I was suffering from our break-up. I never bothered them (anyway) about my feelings and here they are now talking as if they took part of my heart aches before!

I only share my feelings with my closest friends and funny thing is my friends never opened the topic of my ex’s wedding (although, they also knew about it) because they cared enough about my feelings and they waited for me to open up before they could give their opinions and advise!

I am not hurt because of my ex’s wedding. I even prayed for them and in my heart I have forgiven them a long time ago! I guess, I am just hurt because of what others were saying. Although I appreciate some, but the more they talk about it makes me feel sick! It brings back the past hurts which I already got over with! I got over with my heart ache a long time ago and I deserve my rest about that issue and I guess my ex boyfriend also deserves the same.

True enough, everything shall come to pass… and after reading the text message (which Jackie sent me)… yes, it is not what others do to me that hurt but my chosen response to what they did and said that hurts! I took them too seriously which in turn made me suffered from all those nonsense comments!

I know myself and God knows me very well! I guess that’s what matters most! I am glad that God guided my words and my 'every' actions. I never gave any negative comments because I believe that I am not answerable to them. I am only answerable to the One above who loves and cares for me so much!

I am just thankful enough for having my true and genuine friends (Jackie, Rachelle, Lhoraine). They listened to me and gave me good advises on how to deal with such issues!

I have surpassed the greatest suffering of heart break before and I know that nothing is much greater that I could not face or handle anymore… not without God!