It wasn' easy and it wasn't hard... What do i exactly mean by that?
It wasn't easy living everyday with unsolved problems, anxieties, unanswered prayers, and all that stuff but come to think of it, it wasn't hard either to be still and ask for God's grace.
Maybe it is our pride sometimes that we find it hard to ask for God's help; to plea everytime; to beg for miracles to come. Maybe it is not really all those factors mentioned above that make life hard; maybe the attitude that is.
Personally, there are no help that God failed to provide me with and all I did was just to ask for it. And I guess if we never get tired of praying over and over again for a certain request then God will never get tired of granting our appeal- all in His own time and will.
Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding. (Proverbs 17:28 KJV)
I received a bad news...a really bad news. Every one who will receive such thing will really be crying his heart out! The problem is I didn't.
I asked myself, Am I bad? Am I hardened? These questions were stuck in my head because that's how I really felt about myself.
Why couldn't I feel anything? I need to cry and it just won't come out.
Then all of the sudden these words came into head as if an angel whispered every word to my ears...
"If I can't take the big blows, then I am not ready to take the BIG LEAP of my life."
Yes... I am well shaped by all the trials I had been through all these years. Not that I am hardened or I don't have feelings anymore or I don't care at all. It is just I am very confident that God is with me and I am sure that He will never give me anything that I cannot bear.
I am stronger NOT hardened. I am more open to life's challenges and I am more trusting to God.
And you know what? Just as we taught God leaves or abandons us, He didn't... He is giving the best cheers that encourage us to move on...life goes on and there's no turning back. We may give up on Him for times we are tested but He never did... Not now, not ever!
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. - Psalm 46:1 (NIV)
In my humble relfection, I realized how restless our hearts can be. We have so many worries, anxieties and doubts despite being called as children of God. Until these words came inside my heart... "Find and appreciate the little joys in every day life and wait for greater joys in God's own sweet, perfect time." It is like a small voice that whispered to me. It gave me a sense of relief and a more profound trust.
So everytime I feel the daily rush, I sit and relax my mind and begin to think of our gentle God. Just as St. Augustine prayed "We are made for you, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You!"
"It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord." - Lamentations 3:26
