4 Guiding Principles of Relationship

In a relationship, it is relevant to have mutual understanding. This mutual understanding can be best achieved through an open communication. The agreement to accept each one's feelings, personalities, attitudes, and behaviors requires profound understanding and respect. Always remember that both partners have the right to speak and to be heard as well. Each person has a point of view.

Developing empathy with another entails developing it within yourself first. Empathy is a way of listening to yourself as well as to another person with resonance of an entire experience of feeling, thinking, perceiving, and behaving.

Also consider the fact that what someone believes is more important than what they know. Requiring others respond to you in a particular way renders much deeper understanding on other's feelings.

"Everyone fails empathically with another at times. Most important in a relationship is how the empathic ruptures are learned from to then come together with greater understanding. At times the most important thing may not be what you have done, but what you do after what you have done."

When faced with troubles, remember that to forgive someone is to free yourself.

You cannot change yourself by first trying to change someone else. The only person you can change is "you". Attempting to change someone else’s personality style, behavior, and attitude won’t work, and will only create disruptions and derailments.

These 4 Guiding Principles of Relationship will not only help couples to cope up with each other's differences but also will help them understand more the value of putting other's feelings above one's own.

1. Faith

When we experience tragedy, do we still believe in God? When calamity confronts us, is our faith still strong? When faced with questions without ready answers, do we still trust God?

My friend sent me this message:

You need to feel a bit deprived at times...

a bit lonely... and in a way, incomplete,

'cause if you got everything here on earth

would you still look up to heaven?

It is easy to trust God when we are blessed with graces and we find it difficult to trust Him when faced with trials... I remember one remarkable verse I read from the bible "Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept diversity?" (Job 2:10)

When our relationship is faced with tests, it is best that we, all the more, increase our faith to Him...in ourselves, and in our partner...

2. Action

It is great to have faith, but that's not enough. Faith must move a person to action. Our ability to express our love in many different, creative ways differentiate us from all other God's life creations. We are given the brain to think, the heart to feel, and the body to carry out our emotions. A right action in a right situation can help solidify a relationship.

3. Loyalty

"Honesty is such a lonely word; everyone is so untrue." Sad, isn't it? But, I believe that there are still a lot of people who are loyal and faithful to their partners. The challenge to us all is how to remain faithful in this very inviting, sumptuous world. Loyalty does not only mean to be faithful in a relationship by having only one partner, but also loyalty to our feelings. It is better to tell the truth even if it hurts. Here enters the importance of an open and honest communication. Sometimes one finds it hard to go out of a relationship because of fears of hurting his/her partner, but it is even more hurting to stay in a relationship without any feelings of love anymore.

4. LOVE

The most important of all these... is Love.

"Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails..." (1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8)

Love that lives on despite tragedies and calamities...