It has been 24 days since the unexpected call of my life. I guess it was the most painful of all the things that happened to me. Everyday seemed terrible and even getting worst. I never thought those things will ever happen in my life (again!). Sometimes, I question myself where had I gone wrong? I trusted so much that I never thought it’s going to be this hard when that trust is broken.

Everyday I pray for God to give me more strength and provide me with peace of mind. I never wanted to grow in bitterness and hatred. I wanted to forgive but it’s not always that easy. I shouldn’t deny myself of the anger which is just natural in healing process. It was just so hard being left alone in the battle. Sometimes, it makes me think that God has abandoned me. Sometimes I wish I never have to go through these things but these were given to me.

We always point to God the things that are happening in our lives. Sometimes we say, it’s all but God’s will when in fact, it’s not! God doesn’t want us to suffer because He already did suffer for us. He wanted us to be happy and to live our lives with Him. We suffer because of our own doings. We suffer because of the mistakes we committed that despite of our knowledge of what’s right and wrong, we still chose to do the things that are not pleasing to Him. Nonetheless, even if we committed mistakes and even if we failed a hundred fold times, God still promised comfort and help. He never punished us, instead, He is always open to accept us if we seek for Him. What a wonderful God we have!

All these times, I’ve been praying for a loving heart. I pray that I may not dwell with the hurts of the past, instead, see them as encouragement and inspirations to do better. I know after all these; I will emerge as a better person. I know this battle inside me will not take off the best in me.