Knowing The Right One

Knowing the right one to marry is probably the hardest part of marriage. Most of married couples would say that “you will never know the person not until you live under one roof.” Discovering the right one is a process not only during pre-marital or engagement stage but it goes on until marriage.



Some pointers may be helpful in choosing the right person to be with:

1. You will know you are marrying the right person when you feel support and encouragement about your own growth both emotionally and intellectually. The right person will want you to be emotionally healthy and able to stand on your own two feet. When you are with the right person you will feel good about yourself, safe, and fulfilled.

2. The right person will not be negative, selfish, wishy washy, silent, embarrassing, critical, or a slob.

3. You will know you are marrying the right person if your future spouse says "I love you" not only in words spoken, but by loving actions. We define loving actions as doing things such as noticing when you are tired, remembering your birthday, wanting to spend time with you, listening to you, showing you respect, calling if you are running late, showing you affection, being patient with you if you don't understand something, kissing you hello and goodbye, and hugging you for no special reason.

4. You will know you are marrying the right person if you are sexually compatible with one another. If the two of you view sexual intimacy differently, your marriage relationship will suffer.

5. The right person is someone who you like and who is your friend. The right person will enjoy spending time with you. Your love and your marriage will slowly fade if the two of you are not friends.

6. The right person is kind, considerate, and polite. Little things in life such as saying 'thank you' and holding a door open may seem old fashioned, but they do reflect the amount of caring and kindness in a person.

7. Having different likes and different opinions is okay as long as the two of you agree to disagree. Although you may not always agree with one another, conversations with the right person will be interesting and not boring. The right person will communicate thoughts and feelings with you and will not keep hurts and concerns bottled up inside.

8. Understanding that the only constant in life is change, the right person is willing to discuss marriage issues, questions, and topics with you both before and after you get married.

9. The right person will encourage you to make decisions to live a healthy lifestyle by eating healthier foods and getting exercise. The right person will want to work with you to balance your work and personal lives.

10. Feeling as if you are the only one picking things up around the house or taking care of the kids can get old. The right person is willing to share in the responsibilities of your home and future children.

11. Finding the right person doesn't mean that the two of you won't have difficulties or differences to deal with. However, with the right person you will know that the two of you will be able to work through the issues that could hurt your relationship.

12. The right person will trust you and not monitor your phone calls, or computer usage, or limit the amount of time you spend with others you care about. You will know you are marrying the right person if your future spouse does not try to isolate you from your family and friends. You not only need to belong to family, friends, groups, etc., you have the right to do so. The right person in your life will not try to control your life but will want to share a life with you. The wrong person will make you feel as if you have to walk on egg shells in order to keep peace in your home.

13. You shouldn't have to defend wanting privacy or time alone. You will know you are marrying the right person when you are not questioned about your need for time alone or personal space.

14. The right person will trust you and not spy on you. Feeling as if you have to justify your every move will become a very heavy burden.

"What you are as a single person, you will be as a married person, only to a greater degree. Any negative character trait will be intensified in a marriage relationship, because you will feel free to let your guard down -- that person has committed himself to you and you no longer have to worry about scaring him off." (Josh McDowell - Secrets of Loving)


"The kind of marriage you make depends upon the kind of person you are. If you are a happy, well-adjusted person, the chances are your marriage will be a happy one. If you have made adjustments so far with more satisfaction than distress, you are likely to make your marriage and family adjustments satisfactorily. If you are discontented and bitter about your lot in life, you will have to change before you can expect to live happily ever after." (Evelyn Duvall and Reuben Hill - - When You Marry)

"Marriage -- as its veterans know well -- is the continuous process of getting used to things you hadn't expected." (Tom Mullen)

"Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry." (Tom Mullen)

"Marriage - when two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions. They are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part." - George Bernard Shaw

"The middle years of marriage are the most crucial. In the early years, spouses want each other and in late years, they need each other." - (Rebecca Tilly)