Compassion - How Much Does It Matter

Compassion is a gift a person can possess as one experiences God’s love and be able to share that gift with others.

Compassion is the ability to reveal one’s feelings for what they perceive others are feeling. To show compassion is the essence and apex of our humanness. A compassionate person is sensitive to the feelings of other’s pain, joy, disappointment, fear. A compassionate person can sense what people feel and express and reflect these feelings back to them.

I remember and I acknowledge my sense of being compassionate to my mother. She created to us an atmosphere of a “feeling family”. She taught me to be considerate and sensitive with how others feel. Maybe she’s too sensitive before that she would point out and revealed her feelings openly every time she’s hurt or offended. She would say “I was hurt” or “I feel angry about your terrible attitude”. I realized she didn’t intend to place guilt trips on me, but a way of attempting and cultivating me to become sensitive. Her character has shaped me a lot into becoming a “feeling person” as I grew older.

It is important to realize the strengths and positive outcomes of being compassionate by asking ourselves- do we want to become more human?

In our times, we experience people who would say “this is what I feel and I don’t care what others feel or say about me” – this does not convey feelings of compassion.

To be a compassionate person also means to have a sense of SIN. Sin most often involves hurting another and depriving another of the expression of our feelings can be very hurtful. It is better to acknowledge those hidden feelings than to be silent about them. Being silent or indifferent is more hurting and abusive than any physical hurts.

“He never made any comment on how hurt I was”… to be conscious of our depriving, hurtful behavior is the beginning of becoming a sensitive person. The more sensitive we are to another’s pain and more responsive we are to it by seeking forgiveness and making improvements, the more we qualify as healing and compassionate persons.

INSENSITIVE people, however, plow under or bruise people without any realization of what they are doing. Such persons are irresponsible, uncaring, and self-centered. They live inside their own world apart and isolated from the reality of others. They lose their sense of sin and thought they have no business with other’s feelings!

The more you are connected with your inner-self, the more sensitive and compassionate you become – you can relate and communicate that feeling with others and can see right through them!

We can never be compassionate if we lack sense of self! We must first in touch with our inner world – our pain, anxieties, anger, hurt, confusion, conflict, doubt, fears. Until we experience these feelings in ourselves, sensitivity and compassion towards other will never be attained!

Most people lacking compassion and sensitivity are usually not in touch with their own feelings and when they are, they are uncomfortable with them!

Remember that when you are compassionate and sensitive to your own self and to others, you truly experience God within yourself.

A compassionate person also must have so much feeling for others that he or she is willing to confront them.

Revealing your feelings of being hurt to the person who adversely hurt you is one way of expressing compassion. This may take form of anger, discipline, challenge, pleading, or even screaming – any way we can reach them, whom we say love! Direct confrontation is equally necessary to dislodge or unlock the situation. It was risky, but it worked!

I know a lot of compassionate people. Being on top is my mom, who unconditionally loves me and my kuya; Lhoraine, who fearlessly confronted me about my shortcomings so I may realize my mistakes and be sorry about them; my friends, Laurence, Lhoraine, Jackie, Rachel who are so enabled helping others, especially me during my hours of darkness. These people don’t act for me nor make decisions for me; neither solve my problems. They helped me reach inside myself to get in touch with my untapped and unrecognized potentials.

So, how much does it matter to be compassionate? - A LOT!

When LOVE is Impossible

If there’s one that I learned about life and love is to always express your love for someone even in the hardest way. Expressing your love doesn’t only mean being verbal about it; sometimes and most of the times, effort counts a lot. The problem is when we face disagreement with someone close to us and we just end up doing nothing and are silent about our feelings. That in turn, makes us indifferent and just accepts the fact that the relationship has ended.

"Relationship often dies because of silence and not in violence."

Proper expression of feelings is very important. It makes us healthy almost in all aspects; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It creates a good atmosphere not just within our self but with others, as well.

Lately, I faced a lot of stressful occasions and really it made me feel so low and dispirited. It encompassed not only my personal relationship but also my work and my relationship with a very close friend of mine. I told God that I could no longer handle anything else. I wondered maybe God taught of me as a very strong person, when in fact I am not. People would often see me that way not knowing that I am actually hurting inside. For the past months, I’ve been crying about my relationship with Bein followed by a sudden transfer of assignment given to me by the company I am working with. And just recently, a very close friend of mine expressed her disappointment to me. I was really frustrated and questioned why I am being hurt by the people I loved most? As I speculate on the things that are happening to me, I realized that I cannot handle all of them and that I need to trust God as I face all those challenges.

But if there’s one thing very good about all those happenings, I learned to express my feelings. I learned to accept humility as part of my well-being. I began to tell myself that I am hurt but not destroyed; that I can be better and that there is a chance to rise above the challenges. Challenges might be very hurting but they should never stop us from loving. They can even be a supportive tool that helps us to be stronger and more loving and sympathetic with others. We began to see that we are not alone in facing the tests of life because of the people who surround us with hope and love. I took every moment I have to communicate my feelings with them. Sometimes, it disheartens me when I don’t get a response but nevertheless, what’s more important is I have told them how much I value and love them.

Everyday, we are given the chance to make other’s feel that they are loved and that includes ourselves. Self-love is equally important in sharing our love with others and self-love requires self-preservation, self-respect, and self-trust. Absolutely, Self-love is much different from being Selfish. Self-love is necessary in order to love and touch other’s lives. And besides, nobody knows when our time is over so might as well do the best we can to impart love and inspiration to others. That is the very essence of our lives and that is what we are being called for – loving despite of hurting!

Always tell someone that you love them because you never know what day will be their last, or your own.

Always seek to resolve your problems or disagreements with loved ones because if either of you should pass on before, the one who is left alive will have the rest of their life to ponder those unresolved feelings but will never find closure. And closure usually brings Peace...

Everything in Between

It is a common knowledge that everything started and was created by God. We also know that our ultimate destination is also with Him. He is our beginning as well as our end! He is the Alpha and the Omega! But what we hardly recognize is what comes in between the start and the end.

Our lives here on earth are spent more in between these periods and what we do during this lifetime are the things that make up our lives and shape our characters! The things that we do today make us experience the fullness of life and prepare us for our final goal of one day spending an eternal life with God.

We are now in this “between” period of our lives. We are dealing with this journey given the gifts of perseverance and fortitude. There are times when we are greatly tested and it is very comforting to know that during this “between” period, we are given hope and a multitude of chances to make up with our shortcomings; not only to ourselves but with the people around us. We have the spirit of humility to accept that we are humans and as such, we have strengths and weaknesses. And as we grow and mature, we learn to accept and acknowledge our weaknesses and able to improve ourselves out of our own breakdowns and failures. And one way of knowing that we have accepted ourselves as a whole is when we view the sunsets of our lives with a smile on our face with a feeling of contentment for passing through another day and looking forward for the next one.

Personally, I find myself in this ‘between’ period of my life. I felt being the hardest of all periods but still the most rewarding. I learned the values of patience, humility and perseverance. All the more, this period of my life has strengthened my faith and shaped my confidence to God. I learned that nothing is too impossible to carry if only we recognize Him in all areas of our lives. He is the beginning and the end and everything in between!

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain."

"Every sacrifice has a fruitful reward. Every failure has a second chance. We only have to be strong thru God's grace and persevere in life's many tests!"

Becoming a Woman after God’s Own Heart

I have never felt so at peace and confident not until I have experienced my own pits. God has amazingly provided me the grace just in the right time and saved me. I have never felt truly beautiful in God’s eyes and others not until I received Him in my life. God has a purpose for every one of us and He reveals everything to us through our daily experiences. We encounter Him in our daily lives. As a woman after His heart, I know I have so many things to do in this life. I felt my worth and purpose of living- for others and most especially for God. I learned to entrust all my decisions and actions to Him. I learned the importance of “May Your Will be done, not mine”. It is through realizing and appreciating the significance of trusting God’s will that I was able to be released from fears, anxieties, and worries about the future or just about anything! I know I still have a long way in becoming a woman after Gods own heart, but I am getting there!

Rejoicing over Life’s Adversities

If there’s one very good thing I learned in my experiences with God- that is to rejoice over adversities! It may sound contradicting, but it’s true. I never appreciated the implication of this not until I experienced it. I rejoice over life’s difficulties because it is through darkness that I have seen and experienced His deep love for me. I have understood God’s promise of comfort and refuge, which He made available to anyone of us if only we seek and reach out for Him. I wanted and I pray for everyone to experience God’s amazing grace and love! God manifests Himself in so many wonderful ways. He is present in every life’s situations, in every emotion, in everything! He is always with us and never abandons us even if we sometimes feel like He’s sleeping and doing nothing over our troubles. But His presence alone is enough; we know that if God is with us, the storm cannot sink us!

Prayers Never Fail

Prayers are proven to be the best medicine God has given us. Prayers also serve as our connection with Him. We pray when we are happy or even when we are in sorrow for it’s the only way we can express to God our feelings and praises! It is like reporting to God what has happened throughout the day. It’s our open line to Heaven and even our lifeline! I wonder how life is without prayers. I could never have truly appreciated my every success and joy. I could never have shared with Him my happiness and delight. I could never have survived loneliness and being alone without prayers! I could never have survived my own depths of despair! Most of all, I could never have survived this journey called LIFE without it!

Rejoicing over Life’s Adversities

If there’s one very good thing I learned in my experiences with God- that is to rejoice over adversities! It may sound contradicting, but it’s true. I never appreciated the implication of this not until I experienced it. I rejoice over life’s difficulties because it is through darkness that I have seen and experienced His deep love for me. I have understood God’s promise of comfort and refuge, which He made available to anyone of us if only we seek and reach out for Him. I wanted and I pray for everyone to experience God’s amazing grace and love! God manifests Himself in so many wonderful ways. He is present in every life’s situations, in every emotion, in everything! He is always with us and never abandons us even if we sometimes feel like He’s sleeping and doing nothing over our troubles. But His presence alone is enough; we know that if God is with us, the storm cannot sink us!

Prayer Never Fail

Prayers are proven to be the best medicine God has given us. Prayers also serve as our connection with Him. We pray when we are happy or even when we are in sorrow for it’s the only way we can express to God our feelings and praises! It is like reporting to God what has happened throughout the day. It’s our open line to Heaven and even our lifeline! I wonder how life is without prayers. I could never have truly appreciated my every success and joy. I could never have shared with Him my happiness and delight. I could never have survived loneliness and being alone without prayers! I could never have survived my own depths of despair! Most of all, I could never have survived this life without it!

Becoming A Woman After Gods Own Heart

I have never felt so at peace and confident not until I have experienced my own pits. God has amazingly provided me the grace just in the right time and saved me. I have never felt truly beautiful in God’s eyes and others not until I received Him in my life. God has a purpose for every one of us and He reveals everything to us through our daily experiences. We encounter Him in our daily lives. As a woman after His heart, I know I have so many things to do in this life. I felt my worth and purpose of living- for others and most especially for God. I learned to entrust all my decisions and actions to Him. I learned the importance of “May Your Will be done, not mine”. It is through realizing and appreciating the significance of trusting God’s will that I was able to be released from fears, anxieties, and worries about the future or just about anything! I know I still have a long way in becoming a woman after Gods own heart, but I am getting there!

Surviving the Vigan Trip

Seeing all these photos I got from Lhoraine made me realized how I endured our Vigan trip. Although my heart was aching when I left for Vigan, somehow these photos reminded me of how blessed I am to have such wonderful set of friends. Lhoraine and Bullet kept me company all throughout the trip. Jackie and Rachel had been too patient and wonderful too. I must admit I wanted to back-out then but I knew the plan will be messed up without me. These pictures revealed to me how God put angels to my life and yes, I am not alone!

The Struggle of A Lost

We are faced with so much struggles in life that we feel confused and lost. We suddenly become out of focus and deal with the problem itself than ourselves.

Yesterday, May 22, a very dear friend of mine (Lhoraine) had her left thyroid operated. I prayed so dearly to God for her and for the doctors who will perform the operation. I knew how she felt the night before the operation, the fear of not being awake after the procedure. I told her not to worry and rest assured that when she wakes up, it’s going to be a brand new life for her. I remembered her telling me once, “Nay, kaya ko yan!” (Ma, I can make it). Her strong conviction was so moving! Only those with a great heart and faith can really have that strong confidence to live!

Lhoraine had the operation at 6 in the morning. I woke up that same day and time to say a prayer for her through the intercession of St. Jude. Later that afternoon, Lhoraine sent me a message telling me she is fine and she could feel my prayers for her. I felt relieved and thankful to God for a successful procedure!

Also, yesterday, I visited a friend suffering from an ovarian cancer. It was timely that she was receiving the Holy Communion when I arrived in her house. I wanted to cry for her but it was‘nonsense’ to do because she was very calm and composed. She is very beautiful more than ever. She looked perfectly fine although I could see in her eyes what’s deep inside her! I could see the courage in her, the will to fight and the sense of hope! She told me that once her chemotherapy is over, she will join us again in our activities. I admire her for having a positive attitude despite of the adversity she is dealing right now!

When I got home, I thought of these wonderful persons. I felt sorry, not for them, but for myself! I was struggling with my own problems, feeling low about myself, and being too overwhelmed about the future. But these people are dealing with their lives one day at a time. Ever grateful each day for having a new day, a new life, a new chance, and new blessings! While, I suffered for my own troubles and trapped with the hurts of the past.

That night, I thanked God for allowing me to see these people who inspired me a lot! I read from one of my inspirational books, “thank God at all times and in all circumstances!” I asked for His forgiveness for feeling too low and for pressing myself down, hard enough, that I sometimes fail to recognize the blessings He has been giving me each day. I knew I have the faith but I didn’t live the faith in me. Now, I realized that my greatest enemy is myself.

It was hard to struggle and be lost in the process but thanks God for these people who motivate me and moved me in so many ways; how they value life and their immense faith which until this point keep them living and shining! Truly, God send people to touch our lives!

Hi4...ever

After a long while of not going out, finally I had this one rare chance! It was a momentous night (May 20) for we could be with our dear friend Mylene! We are actually 4 in the Hi4 group, Rachelle, Jackie, Mylene and I. They are my special and dear friends… my prayer partners, my confidants, my listening ears, my shoulders, and a lot more! It was April of last year when Mylene took wing and decided to work in Canada. It was a sad happening for our group knowing for a fact that we will be missing her a lot, at the same time we were happy for her luck of getting there with a better job.

The 4 of us used to get out together with some bible sharing and reflections also sharing our experiences and opinions over some issues. We were also fond of sharing our problems so that one may advise while the others listen. Mylene was the one who usually unites us together since Jackie, Rachelle, and I were busy most of the times, being in the busiest section in the office (book development dep’t). Or we just simply went out over a fine dining, laughing the night away.

Since the time Mylene went to Canada, the 3 of us left here hardly ever goes out. We were too busy with our own stuffs and had other priorities. That’s how we missed Mylene so much. She was our tie that knots us together! Being with ate Mylene again and with the rest of my girlfriends last night reminded me of how we were used to; how we used to give time for bonding and sharing despite of a hectic day work. I also realized how much time lost for us. Nevertheless, our friendship remained strong and dependable. Our being not together often didn’t cause us to break or lessen our passion for each other and desire to help every time a helping hand is needed.

We missed ate Mylene so much and she hadn’t changed. She is still very beautiful both inside and out! Too soon, she will be leaving again, probably on the first week of June. We were a lot happier this time because we knew that she is more decisive of going back to Canada and pursue her dreams! We love her so much and if there’s one thing we realized last night, that is friends will always remain friends no matter the distance, no matter what any circumstances… true friends never fade!

My Bohol Experience

So far, my Bohol trip is what I considered as the most exciting and wonderful travel of my life. I’ve been to different parts of the Philippines but Bohol is a lot lovelier than the rest that I’ve seen.

I arrived in Tagbilaran, Bohol last May 13 for the ACSCU seminar with 3 of my officemates, where we were served as the major sponsor. The venue was held at the Bohol Tropics. It was such a beautiful place. The weather was so supportive because it didn’t rain during our 3-days stay! We stayed at Metro Centre Hotel, also one of the finest hotels in Bohol.

First things first! We visited the antique church of Baclayon (Immaculate Concepcion of Baclayon). I was so captivated with its historic façade and structure. Really, it’s very amazing. Built in 1500s and is one of the oldest coral stone churches in the region. I was able to take few shots of its interior. Too sad, cameras are not allowed inside their museum. You can really appreciate the aged furniture and other sacred materials used during the Hispanic times. Most of the old churches in Bohol have ‘pulpito’ or pulpit. A pulpit is a small elevated platform from which a member of the clergy delivers a sermon in a house of worship. This traditional structure was used during the Spanish colonization in our country. I was really amazed and very thankful to God for having seen that wonderful church!

Among the wonderful sites I’ve seen in Bohol are Panglao Nature Resort, Hinagdanan Cave, Man-made Mahogany Forest, Chocolate Hills, Loboc Church of San Pedro and museum, Loboc River Floating Restaurant Cruise, Tarsier sanctuary, and Albor where the largest phyton in captivity, Prony, can be seen!

All those sites offered different admiration to me. The man made forest is really amazing! The chocolate hills are so stunning and surely one of God’s miracles on earth! The tarsiers are cute, I love them! My experience of Loboc River cruise is also memorable. Most especially, I was astonished by the sight of Loboc Church. Just the same with Baclayon, it is the second oldest church in Bohol. It was built in the 1600s. The interior walls, floorings, furniture, images, confessional boxes, other sacred materials were all well-preserved. We also saw its seminary (about 400 years old) on the second floor. It gave me a chill realizing how many priests ever trained and lived in that holy church. Inside the church is the beautiful, life-sized image of Our Lady of Guadalupe, and has been known to have performed a lot of miracles. Many petitioners keep on coming back, giving her new clothes. A lot of answered prayers happened through her intercession, so I made sure that I have also prayed for mine.

I thanked God for having been to Bohol. It used to be one of my dream adventures and finally it came true! My heart was overwhelmed with praises and gladness and I could still feel the hang-over of Bohol! If God’s will, I hope to be back in Bohol someday. Bohol is definitely a breathtaking and lovely place!

My Life Statement

I will go through this life only once,
and I shall have but one chance to live;

Not all people will like me,

others may even despise me,

as I may not be easily understood;

Yet I will take this chance to live,

and I will reach out in ways I know;

I will love those whom I can,

and I will strive to understand them more;

Not all days will bring me sunshine,

so I will rejoice also for the rain;

Not every endeavor will be a success,

but I will savor the victories I achieve;

Not all dreams I dream will be mine,

but in time new dreams will fill my heart,

and as from a star those hopes will propel me forward

doing everything the best way I know I can;

No fear shall trample me whatsoever,

though some tasks seem to outweigh my strength;

I will only do what I have to do,

and God will take care of the rest!

Contentment

I am very thankful to God coz I am slowly going back to my old self. I have more time with myself and with Him. I am thankful because I was able to regain my habit of going to the adoration chapel like I used to only that I decided to change my adoration day. It used to be every Wednesdays, but I chose to change it to Monday; primarily because it is good to start the week with that.

I am quite slow in recovering but I know God will lead me there one day at a time. I know there are still a lot of challenges along the way but it is comforting to know that I will never be alone, He will always be there for me.

If there's one that I learned from the past days, that is the value of contentment.

One of the great mysteries of Christianity is contentment. At least one must presume it is a mystery, because so few people live it. Yet contentment is not something that's found; it is an attitude.

Contentment is an attitude of the heart. I believe that contentment does not mean being satisfied where you are, rather knowing God's plan for your life. It is very hard to be contented with the things we have maybe because of a faerful spirit. We should stand up to our fear and trust God that He will provide us the things we need and our heart's desires. He may not give it at once, but He has the proper timing when to answer our needs - and in that contentment there is truth, the joy of contentment without the pleasure of satisfaction.

For now, I just wanted to live my life one day at a time, keeping in mind to live not only for myself but for others. I should be strong for the people around me who love me

"The heart DECIDES and what it decides is all that really MATTERS"

We are Called

Vocation Prayer for Discernment

God, I know You love me and have great plans for me. But sometimes I am overwhelmed by the thought of my future. Show me how to walk forward one day at a time.May I take heart while I search openly, learn about all the choices, listen to others for advice, and pay attention to my own feelings. By doing these things, may I hear your call to a lifestyle and a career that will let me love as only I can, and let me serve others with the special gifts that You have given me. Amen.

To Know One’s Vocation

Lord, my God and my loving Father,You have made me to know You, to love You, to serve You,and thereby to find and to fulfill myself.I know that You are in all things,and that every path can lead me to You.But of them all, there is one especiallyby which You want me to come to You.Since I will do what You want of me,I pray You, send your Holy Spirit to me: into my mind,to show me what You want of me; into my heart,to give me the determination to do it,and to do it with all my love, with all my mind,and with all my strength right to the end.Amen.

I just got these beautiful prayers for vocation. We are all called to live according to our vocation; some were called to a religious life, some to become single blessed, and some are called to married and family life. Whatever vocation we are called to, they all serve as blessings from God. We need not be perfect in living up with our vocation, but at least faithful enough in whatever vocation is given to us.

Messages...

My dad sent me a message saying “Avoid doing bad things, be good and don’t forget to pray always.” I was moved with his message; simple yet very motivating. It was a very timely message from my dad. I just felt very lucky to have my parents raised me into what I am right now. My dad is turning 70 this may 31. I wish I could give him something special for his birthday. I remember telling him that I’m going to give him 8 grand kiddies… hahaha, and he told me that I should better start now. I guess my dad knows how I love him and my mom so much and that’s what matters most.

Also, I received another message from my college best friend, Shely, asking “why do good people suffer and the bad ones easily walks and gets away from the troubles they made and the good ones are left suffering from the loss?” whew, quite a tough question it is. I mused for a while and thought that good or bad ones are not spared from being hurt. I guess it’s not about who suffers and who gets away, but our capacity to forgive amidst soreness. Life sometimes requires us to get out of our comfort zones and accept hardships as pathway to peace. Most of all, God wants us to help ourselves, more than anything else, so we can extend the same with others who need our comfort.

Hmm… I wonder what message am going to receive next...

Life Is Short

I woke up this morning feeling quite better. I thanked God for another day of my life and promised myself to have in mind all but beautiful things around me. How could I forget all the wonderful things in my life; my family, my friends, the people around me, my work, my everyday experiences? I told myself that I should welcome new opportunities instead. It surprised me when I saw my recollection notebook where I found a piece of paper we used during that day. We placed a piece of paper at our back and people will start writing their impressions about you. Plus, I saw other set of letters I received that day expressing their sentiments about you. It made me feel good to read their feelings about me. How could I forget those wonderful words I received from them? It was very comforting and encouraging to know that people appreciate you for what you are.

It’s true that we cannot satisfy everybody and some may make you feel cold and senseless but what’s important is the sincerity of our dealings with others. We cannot expect others to treat us the same as we treat them but life is all about doing good with other people no matter how they have hurt you. I know God has placed me in a situation where I could reflect more about myself; how was I during the last 29 years of my life? It’s very heartening that no matter how I feel alone, there is someone UP there who listens and cares so much. I know God wants me to be more trusting and I feel sorry for losing confidence especially when I am hard-pressed with my emotions. I know everyday He is giving me the reason to appreciate LIFE and day after day, He’s giving me the chance to make things better. Everyday offers a new hope and it is up to us how we live our day.

The most tiring thing to do?
–to think.
The most expensive?
–smile.
The hardest to regain?
–trust.
The most painful?
–loss
The easiest escape?
–to pretend.
The most challenging?
–to move on.
The bravest thing to do?
–to love.
The most effective solution?
–to pray.


"What’s MEANT to be will always FIND its WAY."

My Vigan Outing

I just got back from Vigan outing last April 30-May2. It was a long-awaited get-away and was supposed to the happiest outing of my life, but it turned the other way around. I left for Vigan with a heavy heart. I didn’t know how I was able to last the trip. The SERENITY prayer helped me endured the entire outing. As how the prayer goes… “GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENTIY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.” I kept on repeating those lines in my head to gather some strength from it.

I remembered how I planned the outing well and was too excited about it. It was planned long ahead and I just couldn’t mess it up by backing out so I tried so hard to pull my knees to get there. I felt too much pain and even made me cry watching my friends having fun with their own stuffs. I couldn’t imagine how I would keep up until the very last day.

I tried to isolate myself from the group since they have their own agenda and company. I spent most of my time visiting the old/ antique churches of the town. I was just glad Lhoraine and Bullet kept me company though I knew they were aware about my state of being. My emotions were too contagious, that’s why I also gave them the time to be together alone, so I wouldn’t spoil their being together.

I only had a few shots with a forced smile on my face. I thought to myself, I wish I just could leave everything there and true enough, I left a part of my heart in Vigan with a promise that someday I’ll be back to appreciate the place and the experience.

When it’s time to pack-up, I exhaled heavily telling myself that I have survived the outing… I have survived the pain. It was hard to be there and pretend to be happy when in fact I was suffering inside. I was deafened with the sound of my own emotions. Nevertheless, it taught me to be more patient and more trusting to God; that whatever situation I am into, He will always be there to provide me strength and courage.

Next week, I will be in Bohol for a 3-day seminar (May 13-15). Sometimes, it helps to be away and be busy with something else. Somehow, it diverts my mind and turns sorrows into labor of love. I am praying and hoping that one day, I could write betters and happier thoughts here. Soon, I could get back on my feet, hopefully with the same old smile on my face, but with a bigger heart and a stronger soul.

"How I wish that I might have what I asked for and that God would give me what I hoped for. How I wish God would crush me and reach out his hands to destroy me. Then I would have this comfort and be glad even in this unending pain, because I would know I did not reject the words of the Holy One." - Job 6:8-10

It has been 24 days since the unexpected call of my life. I guess it was the most painful of all the things that happened to me. Everyday seemed terrible and even getting worst. I never thought those things will ever happen in my life (again!). Sometimes, I question myself where had I gone wrong? I trusted so much that I never thought it’s going to be this hard when that trust is broken.

Everyday I pray for God to give me more strength and provide me with peace of mind. I never wanted to grow in bitterness and hatred. I wanted to forgive but it’s not always that easy. I shouldn’t deny myself of the anger which is just natural in healing process. It was just so hard being left alone in the battle. Sometimes, it makes me think that God has abandoned me. Sometimes I wish I never have to go through these things but these were given to me.

We always point to God the things that are happening in our lives. Sometimes we say, it’s all but God’s will when in fact, it’s not! God doesn’t want us to suffer because He already did suffer for us. He wanted us to be happy and to live our lives with Him. We suffer because of our own doings. We suffer because of the mistakes we committed that despite of our knowledge of what’s right and wrong, we still chose to do the things that are not pleasing to Him. Nonetheless, even if we committed mistakes and even if we failed a hundred fold times, God still promised comfort and help. He never punished us, instead, He is always open to accept us if we seek for Him. What a wonderful God we have!

All these times, I’ve been praying for a loving heart. I pray that I may not dwell with the hurts of the past, instead, see them as encouragement and inspirations to do better. I know after all these; I will emerge as a better person. I know this battle inside me will not take off the best in me.

The Serenity Prayer

Brokeness is the first condition for receiving grace. Light can’t penetrate an unbroken surface. God enters through the broken heart....

The Will to Love

By the River Piedra I sat Down and Wept – a literary piece of Coehlo that spoke about love, perseverance, and the WILL to pursue and follow your dream. Inspired by a blogger friend, Joan bunch, when I read from her post some of its lines; I was encouraged to buy a copy. When I started reading it, I was fascinated for it speaks of the same love story as mine. With eyes half-opened, I tried to read and avoid some lines but I went through still, reading while hoping to find some answers for my aching heart.

True love is a selfless act of total surrender; something that is hard to do but can be done. Something that can be done but we don’t really feel like doing for we view love differently.

Afraid of what might the thoughts of the book will lead me – a realization I always long for, at the same time, I fear. I don’t exactly know why God gave me Bien, perhaps to understand and actualize selfless love. But is there actually a selfless love? I once read that selfishness is sometimes the key to selflessness, although, until this point, I never get to contemplate over its meaning.

I am a no saint and I want to fight for what I believe is right but the other part of me says that not all our heart’s desires are right. It is ironic when believers like me would say ‘keep on praying and you will receive’, when God wants us to think the other way – ‘let HIS WILL be done, not ours’. We learn the power of prayers when we pray for the things we desire and we get the opposite but we gladly find peace and acceptance.

God’s will and ultimate commandment is to LOVE. It is never His will for us to be happy at the expense of others. He wants us to love Him and others with the best and honest intentions. He never wills us to hurt other people because we are given the gift of choice. In everything we do, we are given the freedom to choose and that’s where the gift of wisdom comes in.

“We know what we want to do but are AFRAID of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. We do not realize that LOVE is something that will prevent us from going forward. We do not realize that those who genuinely love us want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey”

“If we acknowledge God created us for HAPPINESS, then we have to assume that everything that leads to sadness and defeat is our own doing.”

I also believe that love is NOT an obstacle in achieving our dreams, rather a force urging the lovers to get the better of their dreams and thus find GOD.

As said in the book, there are no rules when it comes to love in the same way that there are no rules when it comes to worshipping God: “to love is to be in communion with the other and to discover in that other the spark of God.”

Then why fear in pursuing love, when we as children of God are taught to love in the first place?

“When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to FALL seven times and to GET UP eight times.”

Failures should be considered as driving forces and challenges that will make us better persons. Failures aren’t bad, what’s more important is how we stand up and rise above the pains and trials.

Surely, Pilar’s lament at the river piedra will guide me on my search of true love and happiness. Thank you dear Joan for helping me find a book that seemingly captures my every thoughts and emotions.

God Bless the BROKEN Road

I never appreciated this song that much when my baby Lhoraine gave me this sometime ago... not until I've experienced it... Thanks so much Lhoraine!

UNCALLED FOR

It was the night of Palm Sunday; I just came from a church service when I received an unexpected call from an unexpected person. I was too hurt with everything I learned from the caller. I didn’t know how to handle the pain inside me and I thought where I had gone wrong.

Earlier that day, while I was in the mass, I was crying at the priest’s homily. I was bucketing out all my emotions to God praying and asking for him to show the answers to all my WHY’s; the causes of my worries and anxieties. Truly that night, everything was revealed to me. It was so uncalled for. I wasn’t ready but it was given to me. Ironically, that was something I should be grateful about.

It was a call that will bring massive changes in my life. I faced the Holy Week filled with mourning. Literally, I felt God’s passion on the cross. I felt like as if it was me being persecuted and killed. Days passed and the pain still lingers. I was praying so hard for Him to give me the enough strength and to guide me with all my thoughts, plans, and decisions. It was a call that indeed measured my faith and values in life. I know what is right and wrong but it was so hard to accept what is right. The truth hurts but it also sets you free. Until this day, I am praying for the much needed strength that only He can provide. Likewise, I am very thankful to all my friends who give me unwavering support and advice.

There are so many calls in life that we often ignored and rejected; calls that need most of our attention and actions. We never wanted to hear or answer them, the so called ‘wake-up’ calls, because of FEARS and RESENTMENTS. But there are calls that we couldn’t avoid no matter how much we try to hid ourselves. There are calls that will somehow strike our very heart that even if they hurt so much; we are left with no choice but to accept them.